


What Torchwood needs, right now, is a Doctor!

by elisi



Category: Doctor Who, Torchwood
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-26
Updated: 2009-11-26
Packaged: 2017-10-03 18:46:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elisi/pseuds/elisi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>'Exit Wounds' broke my heart. This fic was my attempt at patching it back together a tiny bit. Jossed by now, of course, but this is almost more like a love-letter to the show, the characters and the Whoniverse in general. And I also wanted something I sincerely doubt we'll ever get in canon - for the Doctor to guest star on Torchwood for <i>Torchwood's</i> sake, for his story to fade to the background and be subservient to <i>their</i> needs.</p>
    </blockquote>





	What Torchwood needs, right now, is a Doctor!

**Author's Note:**

> 'Exit Wounds' broke my heart. This fic was my attempt at patching it back together a tiny bit. Jossed by now, of course, but this is almost more like a love-letter to the show, the characters and the Whoniverse in general. And I also wanted something I sincerely doubt we'll ever get in canon - for the Doctor to guest star on Torchwood for _Torchwood's_ sake, for his story to fade to the background and be subservient to _their_ needs.

It was another one of those days that was far too quiet. Jack knew he needed to hire some new people, but he couldn't face it just yet - even though they were stretched to breaking point, all three of them.

The Rift never stopped spewing stuff out, and they did their job as best they could - saving lives, eliminating dangers, covering up deaths, salvaging artefacts... but that was all it was - a job. He could feel the underlying despair in the way they clung to each other; the way in which Gwen was constantly torn between her guilt over always being the first to go home and her guilt over always getting home late; the way Ianto often seemed distant, to an extent Jack hadn't seen since after Lisa's death; the way he himself would get lost in thought and forget when he was, only to absentmindedly use the name of a team member fifty years dead...

Jack knew what it was - the quiet, gnawing question at the back of the mind: _'Why are we doing this again?' _

It would get better - they all knew that much - yet he dearly wished he could have let them have a holiday, it would have done a world of good.

Suddenly one of the screens started bleeping, and Jack leapt to it - praying that nothing had gone wrong with the programme he was running. Instead he could feel his heart skip a beat as the Doctor's face appeared on the screen.

"Hello... Jack, are you there?"

Swiftly he tapped in a code that would allow the TARDIS to use their CCTV cameras, and waved.

"Yes I'm here."

The Doctor grinned, before a little nervously pulling a hand through his hair, making it even more erratic-looking.

"Well... the TARDIS needs refuelling, so I thought that maybe we could, um, come say hello? If... Torchwood is no longer trying to capture me?"

Jack smiled. "No, you're safe. Or as safe as anyone is here."

The line stung, but he kept his smile in place. He'd been through this before after all. Keep smiling, always keep smiling. The pain wouldn't kill him, even though that's how it felt.

"And what do you mean 'we' - have you picked up another cute little girl?"

An odd look flicked across the Doctor's face, then he chuckled. "Yes - Donna's her name. I'll see you in a minute!"

"Meet you there," Jack replied and switched off the connection. This could be just the sort of break they needed.

Pressing a finger to his ear, he connected to the others.

"Gwen! Ianto! We're having visitors!"

They both appeared in moments, looking somewhat thrown.

"We are?" Ianto asked, clearly running through the diary in his head and coming up blank.

"M-hm!" Jack replied, "A certain Doctor decided to drop in."

He could see the way they suddenly tensed, and the look they shot each other - the unspoken '_You ask' 'No, **you** ask' _going back and forth like a ping pong ball.

"Yes - _that_ Doctor," he said. "Be polite. And Ianto - do we have cakes or biscuits or... something... to offer them?"

Entertaining guests wasn't a very usual occurrence, and normally they had plenty of warning. Ah well - a dry biscuit would be better than most things the Doctor got offered.

"I am sure I can find something suitable," the other man replied, and Jack smiled at him gratefully. What had he done before Ianto?

Then he glanced at his watch.

"The Doctor and his Companion should be here any moment. I'll go meet them, OK?"

He could see Ianto relax somewhat at the word 'Companion' and walked over to the lift. He hoped this 'Donna' was as friendly and chatty as Martha - being able to talk to someone else who knew about the whole alien thing would be a relief.

A little later, surveying his little kingdom, he saw the TARDIS appear, and took a deep breath as the door opened. He could do this. Heck - after 'John' anything seemed easy. Still...

"Jack!" The Doctor looked the same, the hug as warm and friendly, and then he stepped back and held out his arm towards a determined-looking redheaded woman. "Jack, let me introduce Donna Noble. Donna, this is Captain Jack Harkness!"

Donna looked him over - once, twice - then grabbed his hand firmly.

"Very pleased to meet you Captain! Have to say I like a man in a uniform! When the Doctor told me he'd had a fella travellin' with him, I thought it'd be another geek, not a big handsome strappin' bloke like you!"

"Well hello to you _too_, Donna Noble," he replied with a smirk. "Want to come for a ride on my invisible lift?"

She stared at him, clearly trying to work out if he was serious or if this was some sort of twisted innuendo. The Doctor raised an eyebrow, and Jack laughed.

"Honestly - I have an invisible lift. Come!"

When they reached the paving stone, the Doctor suddenly stopped, frowned, and tentatively reached out to touch the empty air. Then he grinned.

"Hey - the TARDIS' perception filters welded themselves to the Rift in this spot. Fantastic! You turned it into a lift, you say?"

"Hop on up!" Jack replied, and Donna happily grabbed his arm for stability. Then her mouth turned into a perfect o as they began sinking and the Hub came into view.

The Doctor looked around eagerly, and Donna's eyes grew very wide, until suddenly Myfanwy swept past them and she emitted a small scream.

"Was that... a pterodactyl?"

"It was indeed. It came through the Rift, and now we keep it as a sort of pet I suppose."

Donna shook her head. "Bloody crazy if you ask me! I mean a _dog_ I can understand... What'd you do if you ever got a T-Rex through that Rift?"

Jack shrugged. "Sell it to Spielberg for Jurassic Park 4?"

Before she could reply they reached the ground where Ianto and Gwen were waiting. Jack could see the momentary frown on Ianto's face as he took in Donna's arm in his, and thought to himself that this could get _fun_. He'd missed fun.

He opened his mouth to start the introductions, but Donna suddenly made a strangled sort of noise and pointed straight to Ianto.

"_You_! You... y-you lying bastard!"

Jack very rarely saw Ianto struck completely speechless, and it was a sight to treasure. He chuckled.

"You've met before?"

Ianto merely looked bewildered, but Donna stepped off the lift, fuming. She stared at Ianto for a moment, then turned to Jack.

"I came here - like 'alf a year ago, yeah, 'cause I kept finding lots of reports on weird stuff happenin' around these parts, and I went into this little tourist office trying to see what the locals might now - and there's this guy here, givin' me brochures and what not and telling me completely straight faced that he has never heard of anything extra-terrestial, but I could try this field where someone said they'd seen flying sheep, an' I wasted a whole day on that and _ruined_ a nice pair of shoes. I _knew_ I shouldn't have trusted such a pokerfaced pretty boy in a fancy suit."

Jack tried his very, very best not to be completely overcome with mirth at the look on Ianto's face, and somehow managed to conceal his laughter by clearing his throat.

"Considering that he works for a secret organisation whose job it is to keep this alien stuff out of the public eye, I think he did remarkably well. I might even consider giving him a bonus."

He shot Ianto a loaded look, but the other gravely replied, "Thank you, Sir," and Jack couldn't help but marvel.

He didn't dare looking at Gwen however - although having to fight inappropriate laugher was a wonderful change...

"Anyway, Donna Noble, Doctor - this is Ianto Jones and Gwen Cooper."

There was some handshaking, but before long the Doctor wandered off and, magpie-like, began to look through the large box of random Rift debris that stood in a corner, waiting for someone to find the time to catalogue and index it.

Suddenly he straightened up, holding in his hand a long, ornately carved stick that Jack had casually tossed in the box after ascertaining that it wouldn't blow up.

"_This_ is a Pantylian wand. Very rare, very powerful in the hands of a skilled person, and immensely precious to their owners. It's passed down from generation to generation in very complicated rituals, and humans _really_ shouldn't mess with it."

Ianto tilted his head. "Thank you very much for the explanation - that will come in very handy when we file it."

"But I just told you that it doesn't _belong_ here," the Doctor replied, slowly, like speaking to a child.

Ianto shrugged a little and gently took the Pantylian Wand out of the Doctor's hand. "If it's alien, it's ours."

Jack's eyes abruptly narrowed as he was suddenly reminded that Ianto had worked for Torchwood One for two years. Damn. A jealous Ianto _was_ fun, but also dangerous.

The Doctor stared at Ianto for a long moment, then muttered something unintelligible about Torchwood before getting distracted by the subetheric resonator. He probably - hopefully - thought Ianto was still annoyed about Donna.

After a semi-thorough tour of the Hub they all sat down in the conference room for whatever Ianto had managed to find - which was a surprisingly large selection. He apparently really _did_ have a secret store somewhere just in case the Queen ever dropped by - Jack wondered where it was. He could look through the CCTV footage later...

Then he realised that Donna was speaking again, and that it was probably impolite to drift off in thought when one had actual real guests.

"You know Doctor, it's lucky I didn't meet Jack here before I found you again. Can't tell you how hard it is to find a real man - especially one who's single and not a skinny alien!"

She shot the Doctor a fondly teasing look, but it was Ianto who answered, as he politely handed over her coffee cup.

"Oh Jack isn't from Earth."

Donna's eyes widened and then turned on Jack accusingly, and he shrugged, smiling. "Also - I'm not single."

He glanced at Ianto, whose face momentarily registered such relief and gratefulness that Jack felt rather ashamed. It couldn't be easy dating him, he reflected.

Looking from him to Ianto and back again, Donna threw her free hand in the air. "_Unbelievable_. Not only is he's an alien, he's also gay!"

"Ah now, none of that 'gay' nonsense!" Jack smirked, before leaning forward, looking deep into her eyes. "And - I didn't say anything about being exclusive... If you'd ever consider a threesome, let me know!"

Donna stared at him, and then turned to the Doctor who calmly met her outraged eyes: "I warned you, remember?"

"Yeah but..." Donna seemed somewhat speechless, which amused Jack greatly.

Looking at Gwen and Ianto she shook her head. "I have _no_ idea how you cope with him on a daily basis. And considering that _he_ is my point of reference-" she pointed to the Doctor, "that's saying something!"

Gwen shot Ianto a look and they shared a small smile; then Gwen shrugged. "Most interesting job in Wales this, we'd be crazy to leave just because the Boss likes to flirt."

But when she looked at him her eyes said _'We love you Jack'_, and he suddenly had to swallow because he knew that sooner or later he'd lose them too. He hated the powerless feeling that always overwhelmed him at times like these - it was like trying to cling onto smoke.

For a moment he considered leaving again - somehow get the Doctor to take all three of them far away. And Rhys of course, otherwise Gwen wouldn't come. Find somewhere _safe_ for them all; someplace where they could just live and love and have lots of children and be happy. The Doctor had said that there were banana groves in Villengarde now...

Then - totally unbidden - Owen's voice suddenly cut through his thoughts.

_'Oh that's just great mate. Here we go and bleedin' **die**, Tosh and I, to save the city, and you decide you've had enough and bugger off. Cheers a lot!'_

Jack smiled wryly and took a sip of his coffee. He had a feeling that Owen's voice would follow him around for a long time; the man really had had a knack for cutting to the heart of things in his own blunt way.

And Tosh had been allergic to bananas...

"Jack? Hello? You there?"

He looked up to see the Doctor waving a hand in front of his face, and chuckled. "Sorry, I was just thinking... about bananas."

As he had hoped this caused the Doctor to start on a new story, this time about how one should always bring a banana to a party - there had been that time with Madame de Pompadour...

Jack listened, and thought to himself how odd it felt to be the quiet one. He knew that the Doctor had noticed, but he probably wouldn't ask if Jack didn't offer to talk - he could doubtlessly think of half a dozen reasons, none of them pleasant.

After a while the talk turned to monitoring of the Rift, and what their job actually entailed. Which reminded Jack of something he'd often thought about.

"You know, we have lots of stuff in storage that you might help us with Doctor. There's... let's see... some mutating hippies from the Sixties, 'The Invincible Vampire' - would you know how to kill that for good? - and a silicate beast that we ought to have an expert look at, to mention just a few. Oh and the intelligent bear of course!"

"Intelligent bear?" The Doctor looked intrigued, and Jack nodded.

"The team found it up on Snowdon in 1937. Didn't have a clue how it got there or what to do with it, so they froze it."

The Doctor's eyes narrowed and he appeared to be thinking hard. "It couldn't be..."

"Couldn't be what?" Donna asked, clearly as out of the loop as the rest of them.

"Show me!" he said, suddenly grinning.

Jack obligingly led the group to Bay 10 and soon pulled out the bear drawer. The Doctor let out a triumphant yell. "Ha! It _is_ Brian! This is _brilliant_!"

"Brian?" Gwen said, looking from the bear to the Doctor. "Is he... a friend?"

"Oh no," the Doctor replied, busy scanning 'Brian' with his sonic screwdriver, "but there is this great reality TV show in the year 200100 called 'Bear With Me', which has a group of people living with a bear - and this is it! This is Brian the Bear."

"And I though Big Brother was bad," Donna commented dryly.

"Oh Big Brother is still around," the Doctor said, voice deceptively light, before turning to Jack. "Go on - wake him up! We'll take him home!"

"_What_?" said Donna, staring at the Doctor with her best 'you-have-_got_-to-be-kidding-me' look in her eyes. The Doctor however appeared immune and happily continued.

"We'll take the bear home - or you know, take him wherever he want to go. Not sure any of the shows ever got re-created..."

He wasn't meeting Jack's eyes, and Jack couldn't blame him. Thankfully Donna ignored, or missed, the awkwardness.

"You want to take _the bear_ in the TARDIS?"

"His _name_ is Brian. And he's an _intelligent_ bear and used to living with people. He won't tear you to pieces, honestly!"

Donna shook her head in exasperation, and Jack tried to hide a smile. The Doctor's infectious joy was once more working its magic - and there was also the wonderful way in which the impossible became reality whenever he was around. For seventy-one years the bear had been at Torchwood, and now suddenly it could go home - just like that. Jack really wished he could think of a good excuse to kiss the Doctor again that wouldn't upset Ianto...

But until then there were practical concerns.

"How do we get him in? It'll look a little weird walking a bear along Roald Dahl Plass. Although..." he tilted his head, "this _is_ Cardiff. They've seen weirder."

The Doctor mused on this for a moment, then looked around. "Oh we could fit the TARDIS in here - I'll go get it!"

He ran off excitedly, and Jack looked at Gwen and Ianto. "Guess we better go get the revival gear. Kinda unwieldily I know, but it'll be easier to move than Brian."

Gwen had untold questions in her eyes, and Ianto none, so Jack thought he'd better let events unfold. He didn't want to spoil the Doctor's entrance. Catching Donna's eyes he shook his head, and she winked back conspiratorially. Jack liked her a lot - she clearly had both feet planted firmly on the ground, which was precisely what the Doctor needed.

A little later they watched as the TARDIS materialised, and Gwen, eyes wide, walked up and stared at it.

"_That_ is a spaceship? But it's a wooden box!"

Ianto stepped up beside her and gently put a hand on one of the blue panels. "Well it's not like any other wooden box. Chain saws, axes, lasers, even particle guns - they all just bounce off. It's amazing to see."

The Doctor opened the door, a wide grin on his face, but Jack's attention was still on Ianto.

"You've seen the TARDIS before?"

A small smile on his lips, Ianto let his eyes travel over the spaceship. "Lisa and I snuck down to have a look at it. Felt like Christmas..."

There was a sudden dark shadow on the Doctor's face as he turned to Ianto, and his voice had lost all warmth.

"You worked at Torchwood One."

"Yes," Ianto replied, holding his eyes, neither explaining nor apologising.

Jack wondered if he should intervene, when Donna did it for him.

"Who's Lisa?"

Ianto's eyes briefly met Donna's, then he turned back to the TARDIS. Jack could see how he suddenly tensed, although he doubted anyone else noticed - Ianto's body language mostly existed in decimal points and fractions.

"My girlfriend. She... she was killed along with everyone else at the Battle of Canary Wharf. Still not sure why I survived."

There was a moment's silence, then the Doctor caught Ianto's eyes again.

"I'm glad someone did."

Ianto wordlessly inclined his head; but then Jack cut in, desperate to get out of the sudden painful groove they'd fallen into again. He was so _tired_ of death.

"C'mon, have a look inside, since this time the door is open - and Doctor, I know you _love_ this bit."

Gwen's reaction was exactly as delightful as Jack had thought it'd be - he hadn't known that her eyes could get quite _that_ large, but she was fabulously overwhelmed - between hand waving and loud exclamations muttering to herself that Rhys would _never_ believe it.

Ianto's reaction was hard to gauge, and Jack walked up to him as the other slowly took in the otherworldly beauty and impossible dimensions of the TARDIS interior.

"I can see why you left," Ianto said quietly.

Jack suddenly swallowed, and felt a dozen replies appear at the tip of his tongue - how he was sorry he'd run away, how he had _needed_ to find the Doctor, how he wasn't going to leave any more and hadn't they covered this already; but then Owen interrupted again, irritated.

_'Oh for fuck's sake, Jack, stop being so bloody self-centred for just one moment. It isn't always all about you!' _

Then Tosh joined, her voice quiet, but insistent. _'Just **look** at him.'_

And Jack noticed the silent wonder and awe in Ianto's eyes; understood that his words hadn't been a reprimand, but understanding. Again Jack was reminded of how very young Ianto was - and how much he'd had to go through in his life already. How aliens had taken away everything... He ought to have a chance to get something back.

"Ianto," he said gently, "would you like to go?"

"Go where?" Ianto replied, obviously thrown.

"With the Doctor - go out there and see the universe. It's... _amazing_, trust me!"

The other one shook his head faintly as he tried to hide a smile. "I doubt very much that he'd want me on board."

"Of course he would!" Jack countered. "Heck, he ran away to the end of the _universe_ to get away from me, and I've got an open invitation now... Besides, he kinda owes me."

"He ran away from you?"

Ianto swiftly looked from Jack to the Doctor, curious and faintly disapproving. The Doctor didn't notice however, being in the middle of narrating something or other to Gwen and Donna which necessitated many wild gestures.

Jack bit his lip. "It's... a bit of a long story, I'll tell you later. But - do you want to go? Remember it's a time machine, you could be back tomorrow!"

There was a pause as Ianto considered, eyes slowly wandering over the TARDIS interior, but then he carefully shook his head. "No."

"Ianto... you only have one life," Jack said urgently, catching his eyes.

But Ianto only smiled, that look on his face that made Jack feel like the younger one.

"Precisely," he replied, his hand briefly grasping Jack's as he walked past him. "Shall we join the others?"

Jack could only nod as the meaning of the words began to sink in, and by the time he'd managed to process things a bit more Ianto was already by Gwen's side, acting like nothing had just happened. Not that Jack knew exactly what _had_ happened, except that it had been important. This relationship stuff was surprisingly difficult - actually just surprising, full stop.

The conversation washed over him, and somehow he managed to join in before reminding everyone that they were actually there because of a bear.

A while later they were all back in the conference room, this time watching Brian eating like he hadn't had food for a century - which was of course more or less correct.

Gwen shook her head. "This is so weird. I mean, it was weird with Tommy, but at least he was human..."

At Donna's look, Ianto smoothly told Tommy's story - much to Jack's relief being very careful to never bring up Tosh.

Then, realising that this might be a his best opportunity for a private moment, Jack touched the Doctor's arm.   
"Doctor, do you think you could just come with me and have a look at this fern..."

The Doctor looked puzzled, but readily followed. As they left Donna asked: "Fern?"

Gwen replied, and Jack could almost _hear_ her eyes rolling. "Jack swears it flirts with him."

"_God_ you lot are weird!" Donna answered, and then their voices faded out.

It didn't take long for the Doctor to ascertain that the fern _was_ semi-sentient, with a fair few extra senses - just as Jack had thought - and then rattled on for quite a while about its home planet before acknowledging how quiet Jack had become.

"What?" he finally said, clearly bracing himself as he stood up, but simultaneously trying not to look worried.

"Doctor - will I die? For good?"

The Doctor avoided his eyes. "No one should know their future."

"A little late for that, isn't it? Back on Malcassairo Martha said..."

Seeing that the Doctor was going to interrupt, Jack swiftly changed tactics.

"Doctor - I _need_ to know." Taking a suddenly shaky breath his eyes swept over the Hub below, seeing all the shadows and ghosts that followed him everywhere.

"Until a few weeks ago I had four people on my team. Then I got two of them killed. In the century I've been here, only one employee ever grew old enough to draw a pension. I keep losing them, over and over and over again and I need to know that one day it'll be my turn."

The Doctor studied him silently, then slowly nodded. "You'll die."

"And you'll be there?"

"Yes, I'll be... I was there."

He smiled faintly at the awkwardness of the future/past phrasing, then added, "be a long time coming though. Very long. As far as the world knows you'll have lived forever."

Jack took a deep breath, closing his eyes.

"I can live with that. Thank you."

"No problem," the Doctor replied, and they stood for a moment in awkward silence before moving.

As they walked down the stairs, the Doctor spoke again, voice light.

"Very observant fern by the way - seems you've managed to find someone with the same sense of... _adventure_ as yourself."

He let the sentence hang, and Jack shot him a sideways look.

"What _exactly_ did that plant tell you?"

The Doctor took a deep breath and frowned. "Far more than I ever wanted to know. I wonder if I could wipe my own mind..."

Jack chuckled, and the Doctor shook his head. "At least this Ianto of yours seems to be able to control you somewhat - I'll sleep better knowing that. Actually, if I hadn't already seen proof to the contrary, I'd have thought him a saint."

The smirk on Jack's face deepened. "Oh, most of the attitude is just jealousy."

"Jealousy?" the Doctor echoed, puzzled. Jack sighed, suddenly uncomfortable again. They'd stopped by the workstations, the silence only broken by the low hum of the computers.

"I _abandoned_ them - ran out on all of them to get back to you," Jack replied. "They all - Ianto especially - have a right to be cautious. Not your fault though, I... never really told them what happened."

There was another pause as neither of them really knew what to say. Finally Jack crossed his arms, studying the Doctor. Guess he'd better ask the question that had been hanging between them since the start.

"So - Torchwood Three. What do you think?"

"Well..." The Doctor looked around, probably trying to buy time. "It's certainly _different_ to Torchwood One."

Jack smiled wryly. "Different good or different bad?"

"Just... different." The Doctor seemed to be almost lost in thought, but Jack could tell that he was concentrating. "But still so much death..."

Catching Jack's eyes he shook his head. "How can you stand being here? The walls are screaming."

"I heard most of those screams when they were first uttered," Jack answered. "And they don't fade from my memory, even if I run away."

He paused for a moment, then slowly continued. "Saving the world is dirty, bloody work - if Torchwood is brutal, then that is because often there is no other way."

Approval wasn't something he expected - or needed - but the look in the Doctor's eyes showed understanding, which was all that he'd hoped for. Jack knew that underneath the happy-go-lucky facade lay an ocean of ruthlessness - of course Torchwood's overt display of this trait would make the Doctor react sharply.

And then he found himself suddenly smiling softly, a finger gently following the outline of Tosh's computer screen - her last, bright smile still vivid in his mind.

"But... there are also good times. They're all such wonderful, brilliant people - can't you sense the laughter too, Doctor?"

He might have lost them - lost so many - but at least they were all accounted for. The worst part of The Year That Wasn't had been when the Master dropped the tiniest hint about one of his team - a casual line here or there, making Jack go near crazy not knowing what had happened. Were they dead or alive? Fighting? Had the Master captured them? Had they been killed, maimed, tortured? Back then having them die in his arms would have been a relief...

He really needed to remember that more often - that things could always be worse.

Then the Doctor smiled and tilted his head.

"I can _hear_ the laughter," he replied, and Jack smiled back, as he too picked up the sounds coming from the conference room. He'd never heard a bear laugh before - it was a very rumbly sound.

"Shall we?" he asked, and the Doctor nodded. "Better get going - if I heard right Brian just broke the chair he was sitting on."

A little later they were all outside the TARDIS again. The Doctor was shaking hands with Gwen, remarking that it was a shame he hadn't met Rhys, when he suddenly startled her by hitting himself on the forehead. "Oh yes, I was going to give you this - seeing as how you said you'd never get him to believe the TARDIS!"

Reaching into a pocket he pulled out a small lidded box, about an inch and a half cubed, and with a flourish handed it over. Excitedly Gwen grasped and opened it, but then looked confused.

"It's empty."

Jack, who was standing behind her, leaned forward and put his mouth close to her ear.

"I think you'll find that it's bigger on the inside."

She turned to him, frowning, and he smirked. Then, casting a glance at the Doctor, she put two fingers into the box, eyes widening as they easily disappeared.

"Oh my _God_!"

The Doctor laughed, delighted, and Jack felt extra specially grateful that Gwen was married. Otherwise the Doctor would have been very tempted to snatch her, he could tell. But then who wouldn't?

"Goodbye Ianto Jones," the Doctor said next, and, as he let go of his hand and stepped back, Gwen looked from one to the other.

"Doesn't Ianto get a present?"

The Doctor tried to hide a smile. "Apparently all _he_ needs to be happy is a stopwatch, and he's already got one of those."

Ianto's eyes widened in alarm, and then he turned angry, accusatory eyes on Jack. Jack held up his hands, doing his best to look innocent.

"I've not said a word, _I swear_! Must have been the fern."

Ianto kept glaring, but the look on his face was now the old _'Bloody Torchwood'_ that they all wore at various times. Seeing it, Jack began wondering just how difficult it'd now be to talk Ianto into having sex in the greenhouse, knowing that the plant was a voyeur - his partner still had an appalling number of inhibitions. Then he noticed Donna staring at them, yet again thrown.

"Stopwatch?"

Jack helpfully explained. "It's the button on top..."

He didn't get any further before Gwen began to giggle helplessly.

"I'm sorry," she said, trying to breathe, "Just... the fern... do you think it might need counselling?"

And she collapsed again.

Donna shook her head and looked at the bear. "You know what Brian, I think they're all crazy. Do _you_ understand them?"

Brian shook his large, fuzzy head and Donna looked gratified.

"See?" said the Doctor, triumphantly. "I knew you'd get along!"

Then he spread his arms. "Well, I guess we'd better be on our way - Brian, I have some star maps and planet descriptions you might like to look at when choosing your new home."

He suddenly shot Jack a shrewd look. "Although I hear the Isop Galaxy is rather nice..."

Jack's mouth almost fell open, and then he frowned deeply. So much for 'no one should know their future...'

After Donna had hugged Gwen - promising to keep in touch if at all possible - and happily shaken Ianto's hand, they all waved goodbye, before watching as the TARDIS slowly faded into the vortex. It made time travel look so _simple_...

Jack took a slow breath and looked the other two.

"I think it's maybe time to hire some new people..."

Gwen nodded, and Ianto indicated that they probably ought to go back upstairs.

"I have collected a few profiles that might be of interest, Sir."

Jack patted him on the shoulder. "Oh, what would I do without you Ianto?"

"Leave ferns and other creatures un-traumatised?" Gwen answered, quick as a flash.

Jack growled at her, but she only giggled and ran off, her TARDIS box held tightly to her chest. "It's already 5 o'clock and _I'm_ going home to impress my husband! Meanwhile, you two - _behave_!"

For the first time in weeks there was a spring in her step, and Jack smiled.

"See why I like my Doctor?"

There was a pause, then Ianto replied.

"Well... as long as he always leaves when the patient is better."


End file.
